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Umer-Shmummer

59
Umer-Shmummer

When we see Lukashenka on TV screens with another dose of delirious nonsense, he finds himself an extremely interesting speaker.

He is not interesting to anyone any more.

News journalists, who convey his words for news columns, spent their working hours on that, and they are paid for that, for exact citations. They quote him and forget, they have other work to do. Who cares, what has been said by Lukashenka, to whom, why, and in what direction was he looking at the moment? What does it matter? As people say in Odessa, umer-shmummer (it does not matter whether he is dead or not), as long as he is healthy!

But later strange people emerge in all mass media, and they kill their personal time watching Lukashenka’s speeches. They do so not because it is interesting to them or necessary in any way, but quite possible these people are completely normal, and they are interested in other things. But after Lukashenka’s speeches their hour of triumph starts, as they see it. They start to analyze his speeches.

They pretend that there is logics in his rhetoric, they invent non-existent tendencies and cause-and-effect relations. And then, trying to look wise, they make references to their own words: “Three years ago, when Lukashenka said that he was going to place all political prisoners in one plane and sent to Europe, my prediction was right. I wrote that they were to be released. And in less than three years Dashkevich is released! Statkevich is to be released in two-three years, as I had predicted then!”

I remember that the most annoying thing for me was a bombardment of phone calls from my colleagues after another public raving of Lukashenka, when he was shouting that all political prisoners wanted to stay in prison themselves, though they could go home the next day. Colleagues asked: “What do you think, what he means, what actions would follow, will the political prisoners be released?..” I answered hundreds times: “He didn’t mean anything, no use trying to analyse the words of the person incapable of argument and thought. He is not a homo sapiens, he is just Lukashenka. He said something and forgot, and the main thing he had not understood himself why, and what he had been talking about.” Umer-shmummer, so to say.

But colleagues were ringing not only us, families of political prisoners, who answered in the same way (“He didn’t mean anything, do not pay attention to this raving!”), but to analysts as well. And they started their intellectualizing on the topic: “on the one hand, the economic situation is not so favourable… And on the other hand, the loan given by Russia… and one should not forget that… and disregard the factor… and the upcoming summit… but the tendency could be changed in general.”

For the fourth year in a row Maryna Adamovich has been answering such questions by simple and clear words: I do not believe, there would be nothing, it does not mean anything. Though numerous independent analysts are blabbering and offering countless pages of nonexistent tendencies, offer forecasts based upon nothing but unadulterated nonsense generously produced by the dictator. And they think they create a worthy product.

They offer this product to Western foundations as a result of great intellectual labour, having a great significance for understanding the situation in Belarus by the whole world. They call themselves political analysts and analysts and even gather together in some organisations like “biss”. They do so not because they do not have their trade union, but because of this abbreviation they look respectable and wise. And this abbreviation asks independent financial support, though they understand that they do not ask a grant aid for research, but a whole life annuity for raising a nonentity to the rank of a thinking being.

Do not analyze Lukashenka. Do not fill him with a sense of self-importance. Do not offer him a pleasure of reading intelligent, though artificially constructed words on his ridiculous speeches and absence of thoughts. Your words would not be understood by him, but he would be happy: “I am cool, if any word by me is analyzed by them like this.” And finally, do not strain brains of your readers. There are no tendencies there at all, umer-shmummer.

And you, dear readers, please do not kill time reading what is called analytics for some reason. Remember: if Lukashenka has said something stupid in front of the public, it does not mean that gas price is to change, it is just impoliteness.

By the way, during my home arrest I saw dozens of KGB officers in my flat. There were clever, stupid and even complete degenerates among them. I didn’t allow watch Lukashenka’s addresses on TV to them, frankly explaining that this man would not ever talk in my house, just so, umer-shmummer. And clever and even stupid KGB men agreed. And only those who were degenerates tried to object: “How can we miss that? We are analysts!” Well, that’s exactly what I mean.

Iryna Khalip exclusively for charter97.org

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