The same old company and Barsik

Everybody and his brother have decided to run for presidency. Bored ladies. Full-time political clowns.

Still it is a pity that a cat called Barsik has not been registered. It seems to be a mere trifle. However, the election campaign has immediately lost suspense and turned into the old familiar farce. Everybody and his brother have decided to run for presidency. Bored ladies. Full-time political clowns. And other people who like to show off. So why Barsik isn’t good enough compared to them?

The country has missed its chance once again. And as an eternal convict, it is to be sentenced to 5 more years of wretchedness, degradation and hopelessness. But how could we lament this fate? It has been justly deserved. We have hidden to our houses. We are keeping a low profile. We have given way to policemen on our streets and squares, and our foreign guests get frightened by them, being new to the sight. What is happening here – terrorists, war, an earthquake? No, nothing of the kind. We just have an irremovable ruler. He has been staying in the same office for 20 years. And this autumn marks the third decade of his being on duty without change. It’s a muted horror.

In a few months the voters are going to celebrate inauguration of the irreplaceable and indispensible contender to the breathtaking fifth term. It is not the level of political old-timers certainly. Mister Mugabe in Zimbabwe has been ruling his happy nation for 35 years already. But when you come to think of it, 20 years are quite a long time as well. And the fifth term is almost in his pocket. And then the sixth, the seventh… Basically, as long as the long-liver wishes.

The algorithm of this controlled process has been mastered to perfection. It is fail safe. There is nothing unexpected, it is pure mechanics. Even if Behemoth, the cat helped by the omnipotent Wolad [characters from the novel The Master and Margarita by M. Bulgakov], would run instead of Barsik, the situation would not be different. It’s too late! All bets are off. The winner is defined, once and forever. And there is no magic in that. It’s Mugabe effect.

It is possible that somewhere in the interior of the Operative and Analytical Centre figures of the future victory are being already defined. And the victory is going to be elegant, naturally. It is possible that this time the level of unstoppable wishes is to reach 89.4%. No less than before. Progress should be everywhere. And the love of voters should increase in the process of steady growth, but not to the level of overwhelming figures of untiring Kim Jong-un or Nazarbayev, an ally and partner. All close associates of Eastern leaders have obviously overdone it. Kim Jong-un has taken it as a matter of course. And the wise old timer asked his nation to forgive the extreme zeal of the diligent elections committee.

Not everything is certainly so splendid and versicolour in our wonderful country as well. We even have discontent citizens. We are not speaking about those who had been supporting the candidature of Barsik. If they are discontent, they can file complaints. We have a fair trial for that. And a timber warehouse. The both institutions are very attentive to complaints of those who had been unjustly wronged.

However one more group of people emerged inside the once reliable voters group. And sullen grumbling is heard from their unorganized ranks. Where is increase for pensioners? Where is an average salary of $1000 promised by the president? Where are jobs? If everything is so good in our country, why it feels so bad? Moreover, they are threatening by boycott. This foreign word is stirring up villages and towns. Secret police is puzzled – where has this trouble come from? Boy-cott. Boy – it is more or less clear. It is our, Soviet term [Boy is a battle in Russian]. And what is about a malevolent “cott” [a cat in Russian]? Who could have sent him here?

Ideology workers who ar. e not too swift are to blame. Instead of sneering at the poor cat and his naïve attempt to improve the gloomy situation at the upcoming elections, they should have been reached out and explain voters that the life is getting better.

Recently the wise and consequently irreplaceable leader has made a breakthrough in the African direction. He established contacts with the leader of Zimbabwe, his surprisingly congenial soul. It’s a flourishing country. Unlike our country, where everyone is a millionaire, they are billionaires there. Even beggars. So the new breathtaking vistas of cooperation are opened. Our leader has said to the high guest, Mugabe’s assistant: “We are ready to do everything we can for your country, for the South Africa.” As soon as we help our brothers from the far continent, we are going to have a wonderful life ourselves. If not now, by the end of the 7th term is going to happen for sure!

And still we have a pity for Barsik. He had not been banned by the Central Election Commission. At the entrance to this uncompromising institution zealous guards said, repeating the scene in the tram from the same Bulgakov’s novel: “It is forbidden to enter with cats!”

The guards’ logics is strange. One cannot enter the building with a poor Barsik. But it is allowed to enter with ambitious ladies, street hockey players and fake Cossacks, but why? What’s the use of asking questions to guards. The entire vertical of power had been supported by this magic word – “it’s forbidden!” – for many years.

However, it was not Barsik’s desire to run in the elections. It is said that when coming near this unique institution the cat had been struggling in arms, scrabbling, shouting. He seems to have intuition, he felt something was wrong. This time he was lucky – he wasn’t allowed to enter.

Barsik certainly does not give a damn for it. Now, when injustice has been met, the number of his supporters is going to rise with every day. After the list of persons who had been mercifully approved as extras is announced, the future seems too nasty. It’s beneath his dignity to participate in this pandemonium. And the question is open, whether the applause is to follow in the end.

That is why Barsik has quitted. He has taken a French leave. No wonder, he is a gentleman.

Should he be said good bye, Barsik? Or simply…

Bye, cat!

[Similar to “Boy-cott!” in Russian]

Uladzimir Khalip, exclusively for charter97.org